Wanderlust

An Invitation

                                                It doesn't interest me what you do for a living.

                                                        I want to know what you ache for

                                     and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

                                                        It doesn't interest me how old you are.

                                            I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool

                                                                             for love

                                                                     for your dream

                                                     for the adventure of being alive.

                                         It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon...

                            I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow

                                                     if you have been opened by life's betrayals

                                                           or have become shrivelled and closed

                                                                    from fear of further pain.

                                                             I want to know if you can sit with pain

                                                                             mine or your own
                                                                  
                                                                      without moving to hide it

                                                                                or fade it

                                                                                or fix it.

                                                              I want to know if you can be with joy

                                                                           mine or your own

                                                              if you can dance with wildness

                                    and let the ecstacy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes

                                                                   without cautioning us

                                                                           to be careful

                                                                         to be realistic

                                                         to remember the limitations of being human.

                                              It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true.

                                                                 I want to know if you can

                                                                     disappoint another

                                                                   to be true to yourself.

                                                      If you can bear the accusation of betrayal

                                                              and not betray your own soul.

                                                                     If you can be faithless

                                                                  and therefore trustworthy.

                                                          I want to know if you can see Beauty

                                                                 even when it is not pretty

                                                                             every day.

                                                         And if you can source your own life

                                                                      from its presence.

                                                   I want to know if you can live with failure

                                                                        yours and mine

                                                     and still stand at the edge of the lake

                                                   and shout to the silver of the full moon,

                                                                             "Yes".

                                                             It doesn't interest me

                                             to know where you live or how much money you have.

                                                     I want to know if you can get up

                                                     after the night of grief and despair

                                                       weary and bruised to the bone

                                                     and do what needs to be done

                                                              to feed the children.

                                                    It doesn't interest me who you know

                                                         or how you came to be here.

                                                       I want to know if you will stand

                                                            in the center of the fire

                                                                     with me

                                                            and not shrink back.

                                           It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom

                                                                you have studied.

                                              I want to know what sustains you from the inside

                                                           when all else falls away.

                                                    I want to know if you can be alone

                                                                   with yourself

                                               and if you truly like the company you keep

                                                          in the empty moments.
  

That time, I felt like I wanted a surreal life more than yachting. Whereas, roaming around the world no longer appeals to me that strong.  I just thought I can make lotsa moolah that is honestly impossible for me to make in Manila. I am earning a decent pay in this decent job.The paycheck is sweet, indeed.  But after a while, mapapaisip ka. How long are you going to face each day knowing you can just say i love you to a certain loved one in front of a webcam? How long that absences would be that somehow can trigger an indifference between two individuals? Is an LV bag or a Gucci bag can offer relief in lieu to an arm of your  lover you've been wanting to feel  around your shoulders instead ? Yung mga time na gusto mong magpahinga when you're dead tired or nanghihina sa pagsusuka but still you have to smile and fake it and continue working. Mga instances that you can't say NO kasi Captain's order. Mga pagkakataon na parang the time has passed you by kasi lagi kang nasa gitna ng dagat. Before I knew it, I am already 26.  Well, is that a good thing or a bad thing? I am not saying that I have regrets being in this industry. No. Not even an ounce. I knew I wanted this. But I think I can't go on living my life just like this. People would often told me to be happy and contented for I have this good paying job. As it took me places far and beyond.  But this is not a "good life" as you would define it. At some point, you'll be missing the other side of life. Perhaps, a richer part of it. I've been through the high tides and low tides of this voyage. I've reaped the benefits of it all. I've been able to provide myself those material things that my heart lusted after. But I've been starved as well. Spiritually. Emotionally. At the end of the day, it will just boil down to the fact that I can't have the best of both worlds. Not in this way. This post is for those peeps that I've been with in my Yachting life. Sa mga nakasama ko sa pagtawid sa Atlantic Ocean, Pacific Ocean, Indian Ocean, Caribbean, West Coast at East Coast at Meditteranean. Sa mga nag resigned at na fired. To those who bravely took the plunge to pursue a more meaningful life and left this career that served us well and was once a dream come true. To those who's just like me who is in their turning points of realization that somehow, sooner or later we will give this experience its due. That we will know and feel what do really matters in our lives. And we will  know how it really feels to be truly home. We're all together in the same boat, so to speak. Are you ready to rock the boat? Throw away the oars and bring the ship into the shore? Matagal ko nang naiisip yan. Nag attempt na din ako and hindi nag materialized.  Well, I will try again. Let life unfold and let the wind take me into my safe harbour.  Manila? Canada? Anywhere. But this time hindi na sa dagat. I've been happy and fulfilled too. But it doesn't stop there. I know someday I'll look back and I'll make kwento to my grandkids about sa Pirates and stuffs and the adventures of being a Marinero. And I thank everyone I've been with in this Industry. Thank you for making this voyage worth sailing. :)

Cruising the Seven Seas. Globetrotting. Rubbing elbows with the rich and famous.  Naks. Ang sarap pakinggan. Welcome Aboard! Welcome into the Yachting World. Well, you might think you know.. but you have NO idea.

Nothing beats the first time. First time sa US. sa Europe. sa Asia (except Pinas, duh.) , sa Canada. At kung saan saan pa. Nang LIBRE. First fat paycheck na din. When I was 20, eto ang gusto kong gawin. Pagkahaba haba man ng process sa Interview at pakikipaglabanan ng IQ sa Captain at  konting pandaraya ng height, I was qualified. Along with my trolley and my self confidence as a fresh graduate, I am ready -- to go out and see the world! First  Stop. Cruise Ship. Although contradicted sa title ng post, I can't afford to skip this part. When I joined Starcruise, feeling ko nasa loob ako ng MOA. Pretty huge. Naligaw lang naman ako ng two weeks on my way to my working station from my cabin. Nakakapagod ang work at masaya at the same time. I just hate the Safety Drill na kinakain ang oras ng pagtulog ko dahil wala siyang pinipiling oras.  Maraming friends. May peke, may totoo, may malisya, may wala. To sum it all up, nag enjoy ako and I went back home -Very Much Intact. Mentally, Physically and most of all Morally. After that, I'm up to the next level. Aboard the Yacht, we have more of a freedom. Hindi bitin sa shoreleave. We can eat what the owner's eat. We can stay up late outside after work. Crew Dinner Eat Out's. We can use all the facilities onboard. That is -- when the guests disembark. Yung tipong pag walang guest sa yate, kami ang guest. Gets. Ang next Port O' Call ang laging kong nilu-look forward. O kaya naman kung sinong hollywood celeb ang magiging guest namin. Talk about Tips. Swerte nina Pippi at Tina nung nag onboard si Oprah at Chris Tucker.  One time, sabi ng Interior Manager ko, igawa ko daw ng latte si Armani. Akala ko nagbibiro. From a far sa Main Salon, nakita ko siya. Mukhang clay hehe. Most of the time, we played Papparazo. Yung tipong isang binocular lang ang katapat to spot Anna Kournikova and Enrique Iglesias getting hot. Hindi mo na kailangang tumambay sa Beverly Hills to get the latest gossip. Minsan naman, may mga celebs na hindi ko kilala. Nakasama mo na nga ng ten days, hindi mo pa alam kung hindi mo ma rerealize na nakita mo sa TV. Parang si Wayne Gretzky. Kaya pala nuon nasa Vancouver kami, feeling ko ako lang ang hindi nakakakilala. Kung alam ko lang na siya pala ang Michael Jordan ng Canada pagdating sa Ice Hockey, di sana hindi ko tinapon ang mga life size pictures nya along with his autograph na iniwan nya sa yate. Nabenta ko pa sana sa Ebay. In every places we've been to - hindi mawawala yung water sports agenda. Lalo na sa Caribbean. Lahat ng water toys sa yate pwedeng gamitin. Kaso, kaming mga girls mas pinipili, whatelse -- ang Shopping. As if puro relaxation, isn't it? If there is one thing I dread the most in my yachting life, that would be sailing. Weird. How can you get to into a particular destination if you wouldn't sail?  you may ask. I remember my first Atlantic Ocean crossing. Ugh. Naranasan mo na bang matulog yakap yakap ang life vest? Ang yakapin ang toilet bowl kakasuka. As if never ending.  Ang matulog maghapon ng 3 days straight at Gatorade lang ang means of food kasi isusuka mo lang ang any solid food. Ang mag serve ng dumudugo ang paa dahil na out of balance dahil rough sea (Susan, ikaw to), ang hindi makatulog knowing na hindi gumagana ang stabilizer at may possiblity ng Abandon Ship. Ang mawalan ng 5 lbs of weight in as little as 3 days. Seasickness at it's best. Kapag ganitong scenario, nakakalimutan ko ang fat paycheck. Naiisip ko na mag call center na lang. I'm beginning to think if it still worth it. I'm starting to think what price we're really paying in exchange for all of these. Dun ko naiisip na mahirap din pala. Masarap kumain ng Halibut, Seabass o Steak whenever you feel like it. Pero bakit namimiss ko pa din ang Sinangag Express o kaya ang kwek kwek? We can party and finish a bottle of Dom Perignon pero bakit mas cool pag naka chill ka lang sa bahay ng barkada with a pitcher of homemade weng weng. We can shell out our bonuses on a holiday pero bakit ang lungkot kung ikaw lang ang magcecelebrate nun? At the end of the day, maiisip mo din how long are you going to stay in the middle of the ocean. How long are you going to embrace it's glitz and glam as well it's dysfunctionality. I almost abandoned this so called career once. I was frantically seeking for some answers then. I was ready or so I thought. Aside from the hellish scenario when it comes to sailing, I want to experience LIFE beyond yachting.   

"Good Evening everyone, I am Lysa. I am a Codependent. " I heard myself blurting out these words to a bunch of people I barely knew in the function room of Times Square Building in Palm Beach. " I am 25 years old and I asked myself why did it took me so long to know that I am a codependent? But I realized that it's not too late for the day because some people never knew it until they were 50's." Yes it is. Apparently, I am the youngest one in that program. And the only Asian. Most of them are in their 30's to 60's I supposed. But I didn't even think that I am in a wrong crowd. Somehow it felt awkward for I distaste public speaking. Most of us have codependency buttons. Whether we knew it or not. Whether we have the courage to look within and see for ourselves. Codependency is a complex word with a vast meaning. A word most of us can relate ourselves into but only a few would dare to dig and look deeper inwardly. A word that I am trying to learn about. The word that brought me into my knees. Codependency is a normal behavior, plus. There are time we do too much, care too much, feel to little or overly engage. We forget where the other person's responsibilities begin and our responsibilities stop. Or we get busy and have so much to do that we neglect ourselves. A codependent person tends to let another person's behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person's behavior.